


This Doesn't Mean Anything

by RageHappyThunder



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Vauge sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyThunder/pseuds/RageHappyThunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Joel you’re drunk.”<br/>“I’m always drunk, and I’m always thinking about you, I’m always wondering what you look like in the morning, what you look like on the couch, your knees to your chest and your toes curling as you win. I’m always intoxicated with the way that you smell, the way you laugh when you’re in the office. Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I can’t still state facts Ray.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Doesn't Mean Anything

“Joel you’re drunk.”

“I’m always drunk, and I’m always thinking about you, I’m always wondering what you look like in the morning, what you look like on the couch, your knees to your chest and your toes curling as you win. I’m always intoxicated with the way that you smell, the way you laugh when you’re in the office. Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I can’t still state facts Ray.”

“You’re just...”  
“I’m drunk. Yeah. Fine. Whatever, but you’re still not saying no.” Joel’s mouth wandered on Rays’ neck, his hands gingerly sliding under the fabric of Ray’s shirt to just feel his stomach and sides, Ray let out a sigh, nerves getting to him, the word no choking him, getting stuck in his vocal cords as Joel sucked on his neck, the skin getting irritated.

“I-” Ray was cut off when Joel bit down on the skin, making Ray moan and his skin turn purple in a bruise, Joel’s hands were on Ray’s lower back and instead of going south he brought Ray closer, his knee in between his thighs. The word no that started to choke him was replaced by the held back moan of ‘Joel’ when he started to grind his hip with Ray’s.

“Do you want this?” Joel asked, his voice low and the vibrations on Ray’s ear made him shudder.

“Yes,” Ray breathed out and Joel kissed his mouth. He wanted to get second hand drunk from Joel’s alcohol stained teeth and he wanted to wake up the next morning with a hangover and a pain somewhere that wasn’t his head.

 

That was the first time Joel got Ray drunk.

And the first time in a long time Joel was drunk and said sweet things to Ray, usually the older man was brutal. It was constant, Joel making quick jabs and Ray’s habits, making the younger conscious of everything he did, calling Ray mean things.

When he was sober, for some reason, it hurt more. But then there would be nights like last night, where Joel would pour his heart out, tell Ray he was beautiful, that he was what Joel needed in his life. Ray couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle the back and forth that Joel had him in, how he would cut Ray down in the mornings with backhanded comments that stung more than a slap on the cheek, Ray had no idea how Joel could drink a bottle of whiskey and compliment him in the evenings, and how unpredictable Joel would be.

_One morning you love me the next you comment on my weight._  
So he stops. He tells Joel to take a hike and take his bottle as some kind of mistress.

 

Then there was the second time Joel managed to get Ray drunk without him even touching a bottle.

Ray was drunk with jealousy, Joel’s fingers tapped the table with a rhythm Ray recognized to be the beat of a nervous Joel.

Some girl was chatting Joel up and Ray saw the way his eyes sparkled at every syllable she said to him. Ray hated it. He should have grabbed Joel by the collar of his shirt and dragged him away, to try and remind him about what happened when he was drunk a few nights ago.

But Ray felt a pain stab his chest.

Maybe Joel could only love him when he was drunk, a poison swimming in his veins to make him want Ray. So he left, he couldn’t bare to take it anymore, the way the girl twirled her soft hair around her fingers and how Joel’s sober eyes danced over her face. Taking in her beauty in a way he never did with Ray, when he was drunk or sober.

 

And then he was mad. Anger coursed through his veins like a shot of adrenaline, his mouth was more poisonous than a viper snake, and his bite was just as bad a wolves, his words were shaped like fangs and he wanted to rip the skin off of Joel’s neck in more than a few different ways.

But he was at work, and Joel’s lets playing skills brought a new kind of drunken comedy to the audience and it’s not like Ray could argue with Geoff without letting poison spill out of his stomach.

So he swam in a cold river of defeat and taped his mouth shut, he let his fang like words clamp down and rip the skin of his tongue, he felt the poison of anger enter himself and ended hurting Joel less and his body more.

 

Four. Again, like a circuit he didn’t know how to break because he lacked the will to, he didn’t want to touch the wires running deep inside himself for fear of getting shocked.

But this time Ray was just sad.

He lacked Joel, he lacked the addictive poison jolting his insides, and like an addict going to his first AA meeting he was jittery. He wanted his bottle, he wanted the part of Joel that was so bad for him but he needed it. He needed Joel’s annoying presence to shake him awake.

He didn’t get it. It was going to be a long road to recovery at this rate, but Ray lacked the will to get better.

 

Joel broke first. This time he was sober, his hands running through his hair as he babbled on and on about how he missed Ray and shouldn’t have ignored him. About how much he needs him, how sorry he is and how he hopes that maybe Ray can be the antidote to whatever sickness Joel carries on with him.

(It’s the bottle that’s infected and not Joel.)

Rays insides feel like honey and he lets him have one more chance.

One more shot to impress him, to somehow heal the bites where Joel’s actions and words have stung so deep they’ll leave a scar for years to come.

Ray secretly needs him, a balance in his life, someone to make him laugh in ways other boyfriends couldn’t. Joel pushed every button in Ray, Joel’s fingers being gentle as he knew what to do when. This was how to make him laugh- and Joel would do it, skillfully manipulating a machine so it would sing, letting the air fill with a melodious laugh that Ray would leak out of his lungs. Tired. Ray laughed the best when he was tired and Joel knew that, because when he was run down, seeing darkness, Ray would somehow open his mouth and let a golden beam of sunlight into the air. Joel loved it. He was certain only her could crack Ray open, like he was some type of safe and only Joel had the combination to.

He hadn’t touched a bottle in months, he didn’t need to. Not now. He had Ray.

 

Which wasn’t the reason why they broke up. I mean. It wasn’t a bottle fault but it did help.   
Joel’s mouth had no filter and his tongue was sharp, laced with rattlesnake poison and the alcoholic sting would make it hurt more.  
Ray never blamed the booze one whatever words Joel hit him with, partly because Joel never took them back when he was sober and partly because Ray knew, deep down, some of them were true.

 

Joel only compliments him now.

He tries to undo all his past mistakes like a writer spilling ink on a page then trying to blot away the ink with an eraser. Ineffective and time-consuming. Joel wants to make Ray dizzy with compliments, he wants Ray to get so high off of his kind words so he’ll never feel self conscious about himself again. He wants Ray to feel good. He wants to deconstruct his own poisonous personality and reboot it with one that compliments Ray because he fucking deserves it.  

Yes, Joel knows how toxic he can be but he hasn’t touched that part of himself in _months_. Joel wants to undo every wrong he’s done. He grabs Ray with both hands when he wants to kiss him, and never makes a negative comment about him either. He lets Ray sit in between his legs when they play video games and he cooks meals with the best intentions.

 

Because he wants Ray. Joel wants Ray because he knows how he feels when the younger boy laughs. He wants to be with Ray because he shoots up with his dulcet smile and loves it when his body hums with electricity when they touch. His face brings him joy like nothing else in the world and Ray feels like Joel's everything.

 

Joel still likes to intoxicate Ray, but this time there's no bullshit backlash. There's no poisonous gas that thickens the air and burns Ray's lungs, no, now the only hangover Ray feels is the empty space in the bed when Joel wakes up early to make breakfast.

 

Ray still likes getting drunk without touching the bottle. It's a second hand drunk that makes him feel like electricity's buzzing around in his veins and makes him feel high.

It's like a routine.

But without a poisonous backlash.

 


End file.
